domingo, 21 de setembro de 2014

The safer danger

Primeiramente: sim, o texto é em inglês. E não, não vou traduzir.

The story I am going to tell is story of a girl who met a boy. She was pretty, she was confident, she had auburn hair, and she was everything I want to be now. Her hazel eyes could hypnotize any man she would ever come across. When she started talking, everyone stopped to listen to her, even if it was only to listen to her voice. She only had a problem: her friend. He was everything she loved and hated in the same person. Anna and Aaron were just perfect to each other, but they could also be the worst enemies. And sometimes they were.

Aaron was the kind of boy you want to hug and hold. He was tall and he had wavy light-brown hair. He had milky skin, with some freckles on his cheeks. His lopsided grin could make Anna feels safe with him, but it also could make her want to have sex with him, the kinkiest kind of sex. That smile made her want to try different things. That smile made her want to do bad things.

They were always arguing and it looked like it would be always like this: they couldn’t be together, but they wanted so. Some friends said that one day they would have a real fight; others said that they would marry. “It’s all about Freud”. How could they marry if they hadn’t even kissed each other? How could they live together until the end of their lives if they stayed five minutes together they would start arguing? And how could they harm each other if they only cared for each other?

They first met each other in the line of a cafeteria close to the university. Aaron was the next and she was just behind him. He was in doubt whether to order a Cappuccino or an Espresso. She had just interrupted the customer service and asked why he needed coffee.

“I just need to restore my energy.” He said. She stared at him: he was really handsome. But at the same time, he looked like that kind of guy that is always surrounded by cheerleaders and hot girls.

“So take an Irish Coffee[1]”, she said. For a moment, she forgot what was she was going to order. Anna turned back her attention to her cellphone. How could that happen? She had been used to order the same thing for such a long time. How could a man she had never met before distract her that way?
He ordered an Irish Coffee, but didn’t have the chance to thank her until two years later. They met each other again at a restaurant, at a friend’s birthday. And there they found out that they were studying at the same university. He recognized her as the girl from the cafeteria and said to her that Irish Coffee was the best part of that day to him. They agreed on a date to have dinner together after classes at the university in order to know each other better. And at that dinner was when they realized how different they were. They had one of the most heated argument they would ever have. They argued about crying. She didn’t believe in love. She had got hurt with love many times before, and it made her as cold as an icy stone. It didn’t matter how much she was affected by something, she was now an expert in hiding her feelings. On the other hand, he lived with love, he lived for love and through love. He was love himself. He was warm, romantic, and optimistic.

“C’mon, man. Honor your balls! You shouldn’t stop a discussion just because a woman is crying.” Anna said.

“Why not? I don’t like woman crying. I feel responsible for it.” He replied.

“You’re just like the frail woman of the relationship.”

He was getting mad at being called a frail woman. How dare she? He had to find a way to defeat her in this argument, but he realized that when it were about emotions, she was more rational, and would always win.

“You have to overcome what you’ve gone through. You cannot let you past experiences define what you feel about emotions.”

“You know nothing about this.”

The only way to win was making her feel things that she wouldn’t allow herself to feel. But, how would he do it? He had to find a way. He had to become closer to her and find out how to go through the wall she had built.

They become really good friends, and Anna felt safe with him. She asked his help to talk to Ted, her crush, and it lasted until Ted asked Anna to take nude photos. Aaron, on the other hand, was always talking about every girl he was dating. They had grown a strong friendship, but also had a physical connection, which was withdrawn by both of them. Anna didn’t want to mess up their relationship, so if it had only depended upon herself, they would never become more than friends.

“I have never met one of the girls you have ever dated”, Anna started asking him that afternoon.

“Of course you haven’t. With all the ideas you have about relationships and people, you would scare them.” He answered. “By the way, you have never told me anything about James, you ex. Why did you break up? What happened?”

“It was Crystal. He had been cheating on me with her. I should have realized before… I should have noticed all signs before I had caught them both together.” Noticing that he would ask for more information, she re-started talking. “I would just make a surprise for him. He had been very busy that week, and his car was broken. So I went to his office by the end of the afternoon. When I got to his room… I saw them kissing.”

“What did he say?”

“He said that it wasn’t what I was thinking about. Why do people always say that when they are caught cheating? I saw them kissing each other. Even if it were the first time, it really happened!”

“It’s really a bad thing to say. Why don’t they just assume they are cheating?” Aaron said. “Hey, I have I have an appointment with a doctor now. I’ll call you later.”

And so he did. He called her. And Anna started talking about Ted again. She was still mad with him because of the nude photo episode, but she somehow thought that they could make it, that they could date someday. However Aaron was different on the phone. He wasn’t asking about anything, he was just giving monosyllabic answers.

“What’s the problem, Aaron?”

“Do you know what your problem is? I am always here, asking about your day, asking about your life, listening to all you have to say. You are the only girl I feel I can talk about anything I want and need to, but you don’t let me to do so. You are not the same girl I met at the restaurant. You used to listen to me. But now you only want to talk about your silly problems!”

“Aaron, what has happened to you?”

“I have cancer, Anna! Cancer! There’s no cure to it! I am going to die, so I don’t want to listen to you talking about any other guy anymore, because I want you now! And at the same time I want you by my side until the end, I don’t want to keep you close, because you will get hurt. It’s cliché, a cancer cliché, but it’s true. I am a grenade[2] and I will explode one day. And yes, I took it from one cliché book-about-cancer-written-for-teenagers. And I hate myself because of saying it all to you this way.”

“Are you home? I’m going there right now.” And she hung up the cellphone. When she got to Aaron’s house, she said nothing. He said nothing. Anna kissed him without thinking exactly what she was doing.

“You don’t have to do that. I hate myself.” He said.

“Please, do not always believe in what you say… don’t leave me.”

The only thing he could think at the moment was: he got it. Although later than he had expected, but he made her feel something towards him. And it was more than just friendship, he was sure.

Aaron died one year later, after spending months at the hospital. Anna stayed with him until the end, even when he couldn’t recognize her anymore.

The girl of this story, dear, was me. I don’t regret having had sex with him that night the same way I don’t regret the child I had because of that night.

[1] coffee with whisky and milk foam
[2] The fault in our stars, John Green

Nenhum comentário:

Postar um comentário